i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
