i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
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