you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
