This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
