Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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