oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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