I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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