so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
