Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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