My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
