i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Holy sore nipples Batman
did i just pee glitter
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
