forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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