I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
