Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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