he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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