"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
