why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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