i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
