first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
