"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
The power of my boobs compel you
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
