Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
