if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Randomize
