If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
