do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I cut my penus on the lid.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
