im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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