i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
