Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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