I'm eating all of the evidence.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
