You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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