why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Randomize
