Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
