Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
