Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
