i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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