I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
