Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
