Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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