Me too!
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
