I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
