so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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