Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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