Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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