what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
