Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
