Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Randomize
