i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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