i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
