Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
