grandma shit on top of the toilet
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
