Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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